Moving On & Moving Up
When’s the last time you went through a breakup with someone you thought would be your “forever”?
Whether it was six years ago or six days ago, we often have a tendency to look at breakups as a bad thing. We cling to the “what if” mentality and we don’t always see the good of leaving or being left until long afterwards.
Breakups are not always a bad thing, and here’s why.
Whether you left your partner or they left you, if one of you outgrew the other, that’s a perfectly legitimate reason to be unhappy. In a relationship you need to make sure you’re on the same page. You don’t want want be dragged down by someone, and you don’t want to hold someone back, either. Find a partner who’s at the same maturity level as you.
There are many times when we push off negative things the other person does, just because we love them. But putting up with things that constantly make you upset isn’t what a relationship is supposed to be.
Don’t settle for things that keep you upset. You’ll be much happier elsewhere.
I recently just got out of a relationship where this very thing happened. You should also note that just because someone is doing things that make you unhappy, it doesn’t make them a bad person. They just may think or act differently than you’re used to.
Communication is Key
I have found (and I’m sure you can agree!) that communication and honesty are two of the biggest factors in any relationship. If you don’t have either of these, you might as well say goodbye now! Why would you want to be with someone you couldn’t talk things out with? Would you really be happy with someone you couldn’t trust or confide in?
Especially if you’ve been hurt before, it can be really hard to trust someone again, and that’s why it’s important that the both of you go slow when getting to know each other.
Stand Up for Yourself
We tend to overlook being mistreated because it feels like nagging or we don’t want to hurt the other person with how we feel. I’ve dealt with it my whole life, and it can be a really hard habit to break. But if you aren’t open, you can’t expect things to get better.
You need to make sure you’re in a space where you feel comfortable and safe enough to open up and confide in your partner without judgement. And once you do open up, if you find that the two of you want or need completely different things, know that that is perfectly okay.
It doesn’t make either one of you a bad person, you just have to find the right match for you. This was probably the toughest thing for me to handle, because we tend to get hooked on the little things about people that make us happy, like how we have the same music taste or how their hands feel in ours. But you have to remember that this person is likely going to be with you the rest of your life, so finding someone who has the same values and priorities is super important.
The Blame Game
Breakups are hard and chances are you’re going to think that it was all your fault, and that’s okay.
It’s quite common. But before you go making any rash decisions or trying to get back with the person, you really need to stop and think about the negatives. Were you really happy? Were you fulfilled? Did you feel safe, understood, and cared for?
Relationships are more than just a friendship. They’re an intimate bond that you won’t have with anyone else.
Taking your time to make sure that you get what you need isn’t selfish or a bad thing, like I used to think. You have to make sure that the person you’re with really is good for you in the long run. Don’t settle. There are so many other people out there that are more than willing to give you what you want and deserve.
The Journey Isn’t Always Easy, But It’s Worth It
Remember that people change. There is a possibility that the two of you could drift apart. And if that reason is because you both have different things you want out of life, know that that’s okay.
Make sure that you’re being treated the way you deserve, and you communicate clearly with your partner to tell them otherwise. Don’t stick around in a relationship that’s not good for you if you don’t feel fulfilled. Even if you truly love the person, I guarantee you you won’t be happy. And you deserve a relationship that makes you happy!
Have you gone through any big relationship changes lately? How do you handle breakups? I’d love to start a conversation.