Be True to You
When’s the last time you went on a date? What happened, and how did it go? If you’re anything like me (or the majority of people), you probably were extremely nervous and self-conscious. How many times did you try to fix your hair or your makeup? Did you obsess over chewing with your mouth closed or walking daintily?
When we put ourselves in a position where we’re meeting someone to potentially spend the rest of our life with, that’s on a lot of pressure!
It can be super easy to get lost in the idea that we have to be the exact match for the other person. That if they are going to like us, they are going to like us because we are their “perfect match.”
So we worry about every little thing that comes out of our mouths, we dull our own opinions, we suddenly change our music tastes to fit that of the other person. But this mentality is wrong, and will only lead you to getting hurt. Here’s why.
If you put on a show and act like someone you’re not, it can only end badly. First of all, you don’t even agree with half the things that your date is saying. But that’s okay! You don’t have to agree on everything. If you find that the things you disagree on are significant enough not to pursue them, that is totally fine. You will find someone who you can relate to better.
Secondly, how much can you enjoy yourself if you’re always worried?
I used to be a people-pleaser and would always tailor my words to the need and benefit of others. I was always worried about saying the wrong thing. What if we disagree? Again, that is totally okay. Relax, take a deep breath. Stressing over how you look, what you say and what you do is not going to do anything for you but keep you uptight.
Lastly, and most importantly, people are attracted to realness. So if you are only saying things to make the other person happy or interested, chances are they can see right through you and they know what you are doing.
Be confident in yourself, your appearance and your opinions. If they don’t agree or like them, that’s fine.
And who knows, maybe if you are so confident in yourself, it’ll attract them to you. Just make sure not to go overboard—you do not want to come off as cocky, self-centered or rude.
I’ve been in both sides of these situations. I’ve gone on dates where the other person was so nervous that they asked me the same question three times without realizing I had already answered. I’ve been on dates where the other person made sure that every response they said was exactly the one they thought I would want to hear. Let me tell you something. It doesn’t work! If you go out of your way to be “perfect” for someone, it will only end up being a bad and not truthful situation.
When I started becoming more aware of this and owning my confidence, it really changed everything. I was no longer afraid if the other person I was on a date with disagreed with me.
I wasn’t self-conscious about how I looked, because the right person would be interested in my flaws and quirks. We are humans, not machines, and we are not made to be perfect.
The next time you’re going out on a date, meeting a new potential friend or encountering someone new, be aware of how you are acting, the words that you are saying and the things that you are thinking. Are you trying to please this person or are you being true to yourself? What other people think is none of your business. If they like you, then great! But if they don’t then that’s up to them and you have to accept that and be willing to walk away.
When’s the last time you were in a situation with someone new? What happened? How can you change it next time? Let’s start a conversation!