It’s okay if you don’t know where you’re going

 

I’m proud to say that I am a 24-year-old African American woman, existing in this world and that I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m doing. I know what I want to do, I kind of have an idea of how I am going to get there and I know what I want my end goal to be after my journey to success. However, the one thing that I’m struggling with is patience—maybe you guys feel me on that one.

I know that I am only 24, but, I’m 24…why hasn’t my life begun already?

 

In this current world, there is so much expected from us millennials and so much that we expect of ourselves.

 

Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is an amazing thing to expect a lot from yourself and to push yourself beyond your limits; but I also think its unhealthy to become unrealistic with yourself.

 

For the past two years, I spent my time scolding myself because I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought it was completely absurd to not have a life plan, to not have put that life plan into action and to not be overly accomplished by this age. I thought that right after college—after those four life-changing years—that I would step out with not only my diploma, but with a career that I was happy with.

 

For the longest amount of time, I thought I knew everything I wanted to do and everything that I wanted to become; when I questioned all of that, I questioned myself.

 

Questioning does not mean failing.

 

For the past two years, I lost faith in myself because I thought that not having a plan meant I was a failure. I put in all this hard work, dedicated myself to this major and minor, but I walked out not knowing what to do with it. I heard my name called, walked across the stage, didn’t trip along the way, shook hands with some professors, walked off the stage, but then what?

 

My family and friends were so proud of me, but, I wasn’t truly proud of myself.

 

I knew this was a huge accomplishment and I knew that I should be patting myself on the back, but, I had no idea what I was going to do next. I was almost ashamed because my mother had spent so much money and took our loans for me but here I was, her child in huge debt but with no path developed. No next step and a lot of confusion.

 

Well, I did think I wanted to go to law school, but after studying for the LSATs I realized that this wasn’t something my mind or heart was ready for. I didn’t know what I wanted to do instead, but, I knew that law school was something that would need to be placed on hold for me. Seeing me talk about becoming a lawyer my entire life, my mother was shocked, but I never lost her support. She always told me that what I ultimately wanted to do would come to me, I just had to be patient.

 

Well, my patience has gotten better and I hope yours does too.

 

Though it took me until 2017 to figure out what next steps I wanted to take with my life, I am happy I just took the time to sit back and be confused. For those two years after college, instead of letting the confusion lead me, I let it haunt me.

After college, I thought there was no space for confusion and if I didn’t have decisions made immediately, then I would never accomplish anything in life—I was highly wrong.

 

Take a break from the reality of outsiders and let your own reality settle in. We pressure ourselves so much to be great that we get trapped within a job that is making us a lot of money, but we hate hearing the alarm go off in the morning; dive instead into something that you don’t even need an alarm to wake you up in the morning. This young and confused stage in our lives is one of the best experiences we could ever have. It makes us think, makes us get creative, makes us see things that we would have never seen if we didn’t allow the confusion to guide us.

 

If you feel as though you are stuck in confusion, embrace it, don’t let it scare you like it scared me.

 

Take in that confusion and realize that you are young and time is still on your side. Once I became accepting of not knowing what to do, I finally figured out what I wanted to do; funny how that worked out, huh? I started looking at my 24 years of life and instead of rushing to do something or get established within a career, I sat back and let my goals find me. Though we exist within a world that is pressuring us to make money and be successful, take the time to find the success that you want.

 

Be young and be confused.

 

Deiona

New Yorker relocated to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Deiona Monroe is a Lifestyle Writer for She’s It. With a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science and minor Criminal Justice from Temple University, Deiona aims to use her words to spread hope and awareness throughout the world. She wants her storytelling to positively impact lives and use the lessons she has learned from to help someone through their battles. Whether she touches 1,000 souls or just 1, she wants to make sure that her words promote progress and educates all those who choose to read. When not working, she still spends her time engulfed in her notebooks, looking for the right cup of tea or playing with her puppy.